If a tree falls in the forest and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound? I have often answered this question with the word no, but perhaps I should have been asking a much larger question… what is a sound?
My time in the Big Brother house has been full of insightful life lessons. It sounds silly, but playing a game for money on TV has forced me to confront aspects of existence that I never thought I would. A sound is only a word and it is our responsibility to breath life into each and every one of them.
In the Big Brother house it is so painful to realize the power of words. It is all that we have. Or is it? I’ve seen many of the strongest players in this game go home because of the words they spoke. Some used too many, some not enough, some were careless with their word choices, and others were victims of misinterpretation and manipulation.
So how have I navigated the waters of this fabricated reality where language shackles us in the prison of paranoia, to somehow become the HoH with only eight people remaining? The answer is faith. Not of a religious kind, but of a humanist trust that I had to embrace from the start.
I started this game by having fun and trusting my bro, Jace. This kept me away from words, away from deals, and away from betrayal. Once he left, I was an afterthought and the people who played this game without faith in each other started to turn on one another. At this point, something unexpected happened for me, something that will change the course of my life even after this game is long over… I found Liz.
I came into this experience wanting to give my entire heart to the game. I wanted to leave here with no regrets to have accomplished everything I set out to. But I never imagined that I would entertain the idea of having a showmance. But here I am two months into the show and I have not only found a showmance, but a real life romance.
Liz has changed the meaning of this experience for me. As a medieval historian, it must have been the three spinners of fate who weave our life threads together somewhere in the night’s sky that brought us into each other’s lives. Since my feelings for her became apparent in my heart, I have been playing this game for both of us… well, all three of us actually.
Hiding her twin secret, keeping her safe from conspiracy, and waiting for her to come back to me every three days when she switched with Julia was devastatingly painful. It has been a crazy ride, but now it is all paying off. We are together and making the most of our back-to-back HoHs. I do want to take this time to tell Liz and Julia’s family that I am looking forward to meeting you.
I will do whatever it takes to keep your daughters safe and happy the rest of the time I am here.
As far as this week is concerned, I had a difficult decision. I was aligned with everyone… whoops! But I choose to run with Meg and James over Johnny Mac. I’m sorry Mac fans, but I just have more fun with James and Meg.
Is that sound strategy? Probably not, but, hell, this is not just a TV show—I have to live here 24/7 and damn it, I like having fun.
It’s time for me to address my real other half… Judas!
Judas is not evil, he is the part of me that has been brokenhearted. He is the part of me that was told he isn’t good enough to be a wrestling superstar for the biggest company. He is the realist while Austin in the dreamer. Judas came here to win and prove people wrong. Austin came here because he loves Big Brother and this is his dream.
Together, I hope that we have entertained and surprised some people out there, especially all of my insane friends and family. Mom, Gman, Allison, Amy, Gabby, Nikki, Eli. I hope you are watching 24/7.
Shout out to the Live Feeders.
With much love I bid you farewell… for now,
Austin and Judas