First and foremost, I want to let my mom and Mel know just how much their letters, pictures, and gifts have meant to me. There are times when the second-guessing, uncovered lies, whispers, and plotting make it excruciatingly difficult to retain perspective—and hearing from the people that I love at home has been my tether to the ground and my compass in times of doubt.
Speaking of doubt, this week I was faced with some of the most difficult decisions that I have encountered in years. My descent into an abyss of confusion began with Austin lying to me about confiding in Jason about Liz (and Julia). This rocked my ability to trust Austin, and suddenly there were cracks in the foundation of Sixth Sense.
Then, after winning HoH alongside Jackie (who for all intents and purposes, was on the opposite side of the house from myself), I needed to find common ground (in terms of a mutual target) with her so that she and I could strategize about nominations together instead of working against one another.
After consulting with Shelli and Clay, I made the very difficult decision to target Austin this week. So, along with Jackie, Becky, James, Jason, and Meg, we formed the “Dark Moon” (terrible omen of a name!!) alliance and devised what we thought was a foolproof plan to keep Jackie in power so that she could backdoor Austin.
It turns out that foolproof is not necessarily Big Brother-proof. Needless to say, our plan immediately fell to pieces. James and Liz won the BOB and Jackie was dethroned, leaving me in power and Clay and Becky up on the block.
I love you so much Mel, Mom, Papa, Jim, Barry, Tiff, Tisha, Bear, Maverick, Kimba, Coda, and the rest of my beautiful family!!! I miss you all so much it hurts, and I think about you every single day!!!
Finally, I want to thank Big Brother for this incredible opportunity. This is, by far, the most difficult thing that I have ever tackled… but I am growing stronger every day and know that I will come out on the other side with a more complete perspective about who I am and a more evolved insight into what is important in life.
I am blessed beyond belief, and I appreciate every single day of this adventure.
P.S. I would like to send a shout out to my close friends.